Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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