The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
