And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
