I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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