And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
