My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
