I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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