You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
