Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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