i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
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nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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