imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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