M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize