The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
