uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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