I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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