Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
