The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
