perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i think my cat just said my name.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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