it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
