Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
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take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
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My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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