You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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