note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
