Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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