You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i think i just lost a toe
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
