love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
