I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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