found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
