Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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