I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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