What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was like eating out sand paper
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
