I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
