I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
