Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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