break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
