I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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