But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
