fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
