I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
