really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
