Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
