Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
