when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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