you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
