nut hugger
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
