He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
