It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
