In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
