Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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