Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We had to coat check the pizza.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
