On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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