VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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