I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Im part way to drunk.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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