whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
