epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
