Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
