Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
