Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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