I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
