i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
