If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
