While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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