i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
