Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
