I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
