I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
