So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
