dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
