I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Bring me that man meat
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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