I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
