need another drink. this is the easiest way
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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