At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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